Failing Gracefully: A New Perspective on Setbacks

Let’s talk about failure.

Failure, in its simplest form, happens when we say we’re going to do something—set a goal, make a commitment—and then don’t follow through. Failing, to me, is not completing what I said, committed to, or expected to achieve.

Recently, I experienced a failure. I set a goal to make my first YouTube video by a specific date, and I didn’t accomplish it. Ironically, I believe the fear of failure itself contributed to my inability to complete the task. That’s the tricky part—fear of failure often creates the exact conditions for failure to happen.

Anyways, we hear so much about failure in advice from successful entrepreneurs: “Fail fast. Fail forward. Learn from failure.” And there’s immense truth in this. Failing is an opportunity to grow, to gain insight, to refine our approach. However, it really isn't that simple.

The problem is, while people tell us to embrace failure, they don’t always tell us how. It’s one thing to say failure is valuable—it’s another to actually live through it without letting it crush you. There needs to be a framework, a way of thinking that helps us process and navigate failure without internalizing it.

I believe failing gracefully comes down to three things:

1. Don’t take it personally.

A failure is not a reflection of you as a person. It’s simply an event. When people don’t respond to my emails, it’s not because of me—it’s because they’re busy. Same with my past relationship. It wasn’t a reflection of me; it was a reflection of that person. What is a reflection of me is my ability to recognize when something isn’t right and take action. Not meeting my goal doesn’t mean I am a failure; it simply means I failed. There’s a huge difference.

2. Reflect on why it happened.

Failure holds lessons, but only if we take the time to look. Why didn’t I follow through on my YouTube goal? Fear? Overwhelm? A lack of planning? Once we understand the reasons behind our failures, we gain the ability to adjust, pivot, and try again with new knowledge.

3. Shift your perspective.

Failing isn’t the opposite of success—it’s a part of it. Every failure brings us one step closer to success, but only if we see it that way. If we let failure define us, it will. If we see it as an essential part of the process, it transforms from something to fear into something to embrace.

To put my framework into action, I reflect on my first relationship. It was toxic, and I eventually left, but I definitely stayed for longer than I should've. I think this is because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was a failure. But ultimately, whether I stayed or left, the relationship itself was a failure. And yet, leaving was not. That was success.

This aligns with my first principle—failure is not a reflection of me; it’s a reflection of the situation. People often struggle to separate themselves from failure and think they deserve it. It has taken so much reflection, and it is still ongoing, to truly understand, learn, and change as a result. But that work led me to something better.

Now, I have a wonderful angel of a boyfriend who I love dearly. He is everything I wished for in my past relationship—patient, loyal, kind. And it’s because I reflected, understood that I had to go through what I did to learn, and implemented those lessons that I ended up with someone I used to pray for.

Failing gracefully means remembering that failure does not define us. Instead, it provides an opportunity to reassess, adapt, and implement the lessons we’ve learned. When we embrace failure as part of the process and actively apply the framework of detachment, reflection, and perspective shift, we transform setbacks into stepping stones toward success. It is merely a stepping stone, another piece of the journey. When we truly internalize this, failure stops being a roadblock—and starts becoming a guide.